Here’s the site security guard. He’s just here to enforce the following copyright data and to protect against general misuse of whoopie cushions. Yes, even that is copyrighted. Watch it!

A Short Disclaimer: This web page is not designed for use or resale as on-line control equipment in hazardous environments requiring fail-safe systems, such as in the operation of nuclear facilities, aircraft navigation or communication systems, air traffic control, direct life support machines, or weapons systems. Read at your own risk. All content is offered "as-is," without any warranty of suitability. Void where prohibited. No trade-in allowances. Not intended for off-road use. Best if used before date on carton. May explode if recharged improperly. Contains no artificial colors or ingredients. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Do not spindle, fold, or mutilate. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Simulated picture. Times approximate. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Warning: This product may kill you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited for television. No comment. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Excludes Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. Use only in well-ventilated area. For outdoor use only. For indoor use only. Keep away from fire or flame. Check here if tax deductible. Price does not include taxes. Not recommended for children. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Restaurant package, not for resale. Packaged by weight, not volume: some settling may occur during shipping. Opened for inspection. Lather, rinse, repeat if desired. Keep out of reach of children. For external use only. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Suggested serving. Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. Dry clean only. Not for use with the Republican party. No parking. NO TURN ON RED 9am-7pm M-F EXCEPT TRUCKS. Keep off the grass. Hello, world! YIELD! If left parked for over 10 minutes, may be towed. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open. Warning! Surface is HOT. !CAUTION! SHOCK HAZARD! Authorized personnel only. You may have additional rights which vary from state to state. Not recommended for children under 12. Batteries not included. Additional figures sold separately. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Contents may settle during shipment. Address correction requested. Do not disturb. Must be over 18 or have your parent’s permission. If condition persists, consult your doctor. If personality problems persist, consult your psychologist. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Place stamp here. One backup copy may be made. Any imperfections are inherent in the material. Store in a cool, dry place. Net weight before cooking. Post Office will not deliver without postage. Refrigerate after opening. Licensed for home exhibition only. Copyright © 1996-2002. Avoid contact with skin. For official use only. Tax-deductible if you itemize deductions. Slightly higher in Alaska and Hawaii. You must be present to win. Limited time offer. Must be 21. Picture ID required. No purchase necessary. Warning: contents under pressure. Keep away from fire or open flame. Price shown does not include tax. Reproduction strictly prohibited. All rights reserved. Private property: No trespassing. No soliciting. No shoes, no shirt, please use drive-thru. Call toll-free for more information. This is a test. This is only a test. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for damages. Not responsible for lost or stolen items. At participating locations only. Beware of dog. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. No passes accepted for this engagement. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Some equipment shown is optional. No Canadian coins. Rotate your tires. Registered trademark™. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Your mileage may vary. Results atypical. This supersedes all previous notices. I’m not a real person, but I play one online. Don’t quote me on that. Enlarged to show detail. You may distribute this message freely. Terms are subject to change without notice; Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat. No dogs allowed. No substitutions allowed. Caveat Emptor Consumer assumes full responsibility. This is an equal opportunity document. No shoes, no shirt, no web page. Parental warning: HTML may contain explicit material. Return to an authorized service center. Keep away from sunlight. Limit one-per-family please. Limit one per customer per visit. No money down! Use only as directed. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles required during use. Sealed for your protection. Do not read web page if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading web page. Avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. You must be ::this:: tall to read this web page. Other restrictions may apply. Void if removed. Warranty void if removed. Upbeat and Downstairs is not for use by women (pregnant or otherwise) or children under 18. Upbeat and Downstairs is not a flotation device. Keep Upbeat and Downstairs out of reach of small children. Caution: Upbeat and Downstairs is flammable. Caution: Do not overinflate Upbeat and Downstairs’ ego. Do not heat Upbeat and Downstairs above 310 Kelvin. Store Upbeat and Downstairs in a cool, dry place. Do not store Upbeat and Downstairs in direct sunlight. Upbeat and Downstairs is for indoor use only. Turn Upbeat and Downstairs off before unplugging. Caution: Upbeat and Downstairs is a shock hazard! Danger: Upbeat and Downstairs is radioactive! This Upbeat and Downstairs has been approved for all audiences.