For Lexophiles

  1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
  2. A will is a dead giveaway.
  3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  4. A backward poet writes inverse.
  5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
  6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
  7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
  8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
  9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
  10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
  13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
  15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
  16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
  17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
  18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
  21. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
  22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
  25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
  26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
  27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
  28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

NOTE: No trees were killed in the creation of this web page, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.


The following is courtesy of Jim Neaves:

  • He had a pro gram in his computer because he loved his grandma
  • Considering the evi-dense, the jury concluded the accused was not too bright
  • The grocery store clerk said you had to go to Office Depot to buy staples
  • When the buyer failed to make payment on the Golden dog he bought, the breeder had to retriever
  • The cobbler decided he could make double the money by charging per suade shoe
  • There was a slight paws before the dog ran off
 

Leave a Reply